The Perfect Birth

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
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In the natural parenting community, having a c-section is a nearly unforgivable offense - unless it is appropriately mourned, studied, used as fodder for berating the medical community, and held over the head of the recipient to show the mother's weakness and inability to procure the "perfect birth."  After all, a good mother would never allow herself to be cut open - right?

But the fact of the matter is that while the c-section rate in America is FAR too high, and while doctors are doing c-sections on women who don't need them, and while medical interventions DO cause higher than necessary c-section rates, a small percentage of births really do need a c-section to achieve the best possible outcome.  My daughter's birth was one of them.

My daughter is my oldest child.  When I was pregnant with her, I did as much research as I knew how to do.  I understood that an epidural would lead to loss of sensation, and would raise my risk of c-section (not that my needle phobia would have allowed that anyway).  I understood that induction would greatly raise my risk of a c-section.  I understood that a c-section happy doctor would raise my risk of a c-section and that finding out about a doctor's c-section rate was important when choosing a doctor.  I understood that birth position would greatly influence my risk of a c-section and that giving birth on my back was not a good idea.  I was prepared!

But I did not prepare for a slow leak of my amniotic fluid that was discovered at 28 weeks.  I did not anticipate preterm labor that started at 30 weeks, with a baby stuck in a breech position.  However, taking the knowledge that I did have, and the trust that I had in my high risk OB whose c-section rate was lower than the midwives I had started with, I was able to formulate a birth plan that worked for my family and my doctor, and most especially, my baby.

Sofiya was a tiny peanut with an overactive thyroid, due to my (believed to be) controlled grave's disease.  She had done gymnastics in my womb on a scale unrivaled by any baby I've ever encountered.  And she had tangled herself in her cord so severely that she was stuck tight in a breech position with the cord wrapped round and round her neck, unable to move.  When the slow leak in the amniotic fluid began, she also ran out of fluid to support her movements.  I was put on bedrest, then in the hospital on magnesium sulfate, to keep her in-utero as long as possible.

While I was in the hospital, the doctor visited me daily and stayed to answer extensive questions.  We discussed my birth options, and since he and I both knew that vaginal birth was optimal, we were both reluctant to do an unnecessary c-section.  But, as we sat together and discussed the risks, it became evident that the choice for a c-section was clear.

Being born at 31 weeks, as Sofi was, the biggest risk she was facing was a brain bleed.  Premature infants get them often, and bleed out quickly.  She was so tiny that I could have easily born her breech - but it would have increased her risk of brain bleed.  The doctor could have attempted an external cephalic version (turning the baby in utero so that she was head down), but this would have also increased her risk of brain bleed.  So, looking at raising the risk of death for my infant, or raising the risks of complication for me, we jointly chose to raise my risks, not hers.

One of the things that made this decision easier was that we got to decide this while sitting and having a calm discussion.  Another thing that made this easier was that I had an amazing OB who I explicitly trusted to make the best decision for ME and MY BABY.  I was also lucky enough to have the time to sit with the decision before it was executed, to have room to make choices for myself within the decision, and to feel like I had some power and control in the situation, instead of having a c-section happen to me.

In the days between the decision and the action, I was able to read, to envision, to prepare, and to make choices.  I knew from day 1 that I would never be able to have an epidural during labor because my needle phobia is intense.  But, during a c-section, anesthesia is obviously necessary.  So, my doctor and I were able to agree on a general anesthesia, to get me through the birth in the calmest possible way.  We were able to talk to the neonatologists and find out what to expect with such a small baby.  We were able to make our wishes about interventions and vaccinations clear ahead of time.

And when the big day came, I was able to roll down the hallway to the OR, calmly knowing that I was making the best possible choice for myself and my baby.

I've since gone on to have 2 more babies, vaginally, at home.  Those two births were perfect.  Just as perfect as Sofi's birth was for her.

There are many things on my parenting journey that I look back on with less than fond memories, but Sofiya's birth is not one of them.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn't what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma's Birth ... 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a "dream birth," but she wouldn't change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children's births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn't go 'to plan', and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children's births, and tries to do the same with her sons' birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences... — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist's point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares the strength she didn't realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama - embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father's View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband's advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn't end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that "perfect" birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct - Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura's Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that's one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn't need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she'd really be most comfortable when the time came...
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn't they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One - Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What's to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child's birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman's Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister's Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn't exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons' births.