Staying Safe With Food Allergies and Intolerances

Welcome to the September 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Staying Safe
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and tips about protecting our families. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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When our oldest son was a baby, his food allergies and intolerances were a nuisance for us.  They were a thing that we had to be quite vigilant about if we wanted him to be comfortable enough to do things like sleep.  But when he became a toddler, his food allergies and intolerances suddenly became more than just a nuisance.  They became a scary possibility of their own.

You see, Walter would become quite ill, and would literally sleep in only the barest of sessions when he would get a food on his "no list" - dairy, soy, or corn, and gluten added at age 2.  All of these being common foods, the possibility of him coming into contact with them was incredibly high.  And one of my worst fears when he was toddling but not yet highly cognitive was that he would wander away from us somewhere and someone would take that sweet face home with them - and feed him all of the typical kid fare.  I truly worried that someone sick enough to take him would not hesitate to do away with him by some foul means after a few nights of not sleeping.  I often considered making him a shirt (or 3) that said, "I don't sleep!" to wear when we were out of the house.  Luckily, we kept a close eye on him and he is still with us!

On a more realistic note, I had to teach this very young child how to avoid the foods that would make him so miserable, when he didn't yet understand what all that meant.  It was a daunting challenge and I'm finding myself in a similar place again with a barely turned 2 year old.

Everyday situations can turn into a nightmare for us when: A mom at a playdate hands a toddler a bowl of cheese cubes to eat while the kids play.  A patient in a doctor's office waiting room is eating Goldfish crackers while they wander around the room.  A child at a group event offers my child a cookie.  An elderly lady at a garage sale offers my children some candy.  A child roaming the grocery store eating a snack cake is rubbing his hands over the railings at the check stand.  To most people, these would hardly be things worth noticing.  For me and my children, they are like little sirens going off all around us, every day.  The most insignificant contact with any of these foods can have many members of our family sick for weeks.

Learning to navigate these scenarios with a toddler, then a young preschooler, and now a kindergartner was by turns challenging and amazing.  There were the heart stopping times when we would walk into a playdate and all of the other children there were walking around with food, and I didn't know whether to ask for all of the food to be put away and the toys scoured for crumbs, to walk right back out the door with two crying children who were looking forward to seeing their friends, or to just pretend like there was no problem and pray that we wouldn't get too sick.  There were the one or two times in a group setting that I thought Daddy was watching Walter, and Daddy thought Walter was with me - and we found him dipping into something on the snack table that was completely off limits for him.  There was the time that we were cross contaminated by Play Doh on the table at lunch time, that a sitter didn't think to clean up.  There was the mystery of the recurrent contamination that turned out to be glue that hadn't been properly washed up before eating.  Basically, there were so many opportunities for a little man to eat something that made him sick, before he knew better.  All of which made us realize that teaching him to take care of himself when it came to foods was of paramount importance.

We approached this mountain in a few different ways.

1. Starting when he was very young, we used the same phrase every time we talked to him about foods that were off limits to him.  We would always say, "That food will make your belly hurt."  The consistency helped him to learn about all of the foods he shouldn't touch in the same way that telling him "hot" helped him to learn about all things hot that he shouldn't touch.  As he grew older, we were able to discuss allergens, intolerances, and specific foods further.  But in the beginning, we kept it simple.

2. We kept our house free of foods he couldn't eat.  This helped him to identify what was OK in a situation that was different.  If a food looks foreign, the child is typically more hesitant to eat it.  Plus, it didn't build up a sense of yearning and resentment over the things that everyone else gets to eat and Walter doesn't.  We still keep our house free of foods that we can't all eat (with the exception of our milk - Walter can't tolerate the only milk that Elliott can, so we have to keep 2 separate types in the house).

3. We did our best to keep him in sight at all times when there was a possibility of foods that might make him sick - which was pretty much any time that we were either out of our own home or around other people.  It wasn't always possible, especially when there were communication snafus, but we did our best.

4. We only leave our boys with people who understand and take seriously their food needs.  This means that no matter how well meaning a friend or family member is, if they do not thoroughly grasp the limitations of our diet, our children do not stay alone with them.  As strict and difficult as this may sound, we have been thoroughly blessed with friends and family members who have gone far out of their way to learn about our restrictions and support us in feeding our children to keep them safe.

5. We taught our children to ask a parent before accepting food from anyone else - ever.  This was a much easier first step than teaching the children to question the giver about the ingredients of the food.  At 3 years old, Walter couldn't tell you whether a cookie had soy in it or not.  But he could tell you that he needed to ask Mommy before he could have that cookie.

6. As time went by, when Walter would get sick from a food, we would point out how he felt, and that it was from the food he had eaten - and precisely which food it was if we knew.  We really helped him to make the connection between what he ATE and what he FELT.  It was a huge leap that, at first, we weren't sure he would understand.  But, he is a smart little man and it did not take him long before he completely understood that some foods made him feel yucky - and he didn't like it.  This seemed to help to empower him, and give him a sense of stability in the midst of feeling so badly.  Knowing that there was a reason that he felt badly, and that there was a way he could prevent it, really seemed to help him.  He has learned to cope with those feelings much better as he has aged, and he has learned that he would rather not eat the foods that make him feel badly.

7. When he was old enough to remember a rote list of his allergens, we taught him to recite them.  He may not know what they were in, but at least he could tell someone who could read the label for him.  Or, you know, if someone took him from a store, he could at least tell them he had food allergies.  I slept much better after that.

8. When he was old enough to start understanding about different foods, I began teaching the kids about nutrition and where the foods came from.  Along with this, I taught the kids about what foods made Walter sick.  We talk a lot about how different people eat different things - with no judgement involved.  He was quickly able to learn that it was OK to eat almost all raw fruits and veggies, so long as they didn't have dip, but that he should avoid foods that he couldn't identify, or that weren't in their simplest form.  He learned that just because he could have some breads and cookies, that didn't mean that he could have all breads and cookies.

9. We taught the kids about OTHER things that contain the foods on our no list.  Things like Play Doh, glue, medicines, candies, drinks, and candles may not cross your mind when talking about food allergies, but they can all contain problematic ingredients.  Teaching Walter that he needs to take care around these things not to ingest them was a very important step in helping him to care for himself.  We taught him how to clean up after using these things, if they are things that he uses (like glue), or to avoid them if they are things that he simply shouldn't touch.

10. We taught him to be on the lookout for other situations where food spreading around could make him sick.  He learned that sharing crayons with another child who is simultaneously eating a processed snack full of cheese and gluten is almost certain to make him sick.  He's learned that touching all of the candy bars at the checkout lane is not the best plan of action, in case a wrapper has opened or leaked.  He has learned that when we eat in a group, he needs to make sure that the other kids don't have food on their hands and faces when they return to playing.  He has learned that it is completely OK to ask someone to wash up, or to help him wash up, if he is concerned about them making him sick with their foods.

It really did not take long for our children to master what was OK and what wasn't OK for the boys to eat.  Sofi has always done a great job of helping to police foods for Walter, even when he was too little to understand for himself.  He knew as a 2 year old that he could ask Sofi if something was alright for him to eat, and I don't think she has ever steered him wrong.  Now, both of the kids are great at helping Elliott to discern what is OK and what is not.

And, Walter is great at knowing for himself what food situations are OK and which are not!  He will nicely say, "No thank you.  I have food allergies," when he is offered a piece of candy or other snack by some well meaning person.  He has flat out stood in front of the toys and told other children, "You need to go wash your hands before you can touch these."  Just today, Elliott offered Walter a drink of his hemp milk and Walter responded, "No thank you, Elliott.  That milk will make my belly hurt.  You drink your milk and I'll drink my almond milk!"  In three short years, he has gone from standing on a bench scarfing down tortilla chips at a party to politely asserting himself to tell people of his own needs to stay healthy.  I couldn't be more proud of him!

And he reminded me today that he is "the best thing since gluten free bread!"
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon September 10 with all the carnival links.)

• Stranger Danger — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her approach to the topic of "strangers" and why she prefers to avoid that word, instead opting to help her 4-year-old understand what sorts of contact with adults is appropriate and whom to seek help from should she ever need it.
• We are the FDA — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger makes the case that when it comes to food and drugs, parents are necessarily both their kids' best proponent of healthy eating and defense against unsafe products.
• You Can't Baby Proof Mother Nature — Nicole Lauren at Mama Mermaid shares how she tackles the challenges of safety when teaching her toddler about the outdoors.
• Bike Safety With Kids — Christy at Eco Journey In the Burbs shares her tips for safe cycling with children in a guest post at Natural Parents Network.
• Spidey Sense — Maud at Awfully Chipper used a playground visit gone awry to teach her children about trusting their instincts.
• Water — sustainablemum explains how she has used her love of canoeing to enable her children to be confident around water
• Safety without baby proofing — Hannabert at Hannahandhorn talks about teaching safety rather than babyproofing.
• Coming of Age: The Safety Net of Secure Attatchment — Gentle Mama Moon reflects on her own experiences of entering young adulthood and in particular the risks that many young women/girls take as turbulent hormones coincide with insecurities and for some, loneliness — a deep longing for connection.
• Mistakes You Might Be Makings With Car Seats — Car seats are complex, and Brittany at The Pistachio Project shares ways we might be using them improperly.
• Could your child strangle on your window blinds? — One U.S. child a month strangles to death on a window blind cord — and it's not always the obvious cords that are the danger. Lauren at Hobo Mama sends a strong message to get rid of corded blinds, and take steps to keep your children safe.
• Tips to Help Parents Quit Smoking (and Stay Quit) — Creating a safe, smoke-free home not only gives children a healthier childhood, it also helps them make healthier choices later in life, too. Dionna at Code Name: Mama (an ex-smoker herself) offers tips to parents struggling to quit smoking, and she'll be happy to be a source of support for anyone who needs it.
• Gradually Expanding Range — Becca at The Earthling's Handbook explains how she is increasing the area in which her child can walk alone, a little bit at a time.
• Safety Sense and Self Confidence — Do you hover? Are you overprotective? Erica at ChildOrganics discusses trusting your child's safety sense and how this helps your child develop self-confidence.
• Staying Safe With Food Allergies and Intolerances — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is sharing how she taught her son about staying safe when it came to his food allergies.
• Don't Touch That Baby! — Crunchy Con Mom offers her 3 best tips for preventing unwanted touching of your baby.
• Playground Wrangling: Handling Two Toddlers Heading in Opposite Directions — Megan at the Boho Mama shares her experience with keeping two busy toddlers safe on the playground (AKA, the Zone of Death) while also keeping her sanity.
• Letting Go of "No" and Taking Chances — Mommy at Playing for Peace tries to accept the bumps, bruises and tears that come from letting her active and curious one-year-old explore the world and take chances.
• Preventing Choking in Babies and Toddlers with Older Siblings — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives tips on preventing choking in babies and toddlers along with Montessori-inspired tips for preventing choking in babies and toddlers who have older siblings working with small objects.
• Keeping Our Children Safe: A Community and National Priority — September has many days and weeks dedicated to issues of safety; however, none stir the emotions as does Patriot Day which honors those slain the terrorist attacks. Along with honoring the victims, safety officals want parents to be ready in the event of another disaster whether caused by terrorists or nature. Here are their top tips from Mary at Mary-andering Creatively.
• A Complete Family: Merging Pets and Offspring — Ana at Panda & Ananaso shares the ground rules that she laid out for herself, her big brown dog, and later her baby to ensure a happy, safe, and complete family.
• Be Brave — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about helping her kids learn to be brave so that they can stay safe, even when she's not around.
• Catchy Phrasing — Momma Jorje just shares one quick tip for helping kids learn about safety. She assures there are examples provided.
• Know Your Kid — Alisha at Cinnamon&Sassfras refutes the idea that children are unpredictable.
• Surprising car seat myths — Choosing a car seat is a big, important decision with lots of variables. But there are some ways to simplify it and make sure you have made the safest choice for your family. Megan at Mama Seeds shares how, plus some surprising myths that changed her approach to car seats completely!
• I Never Tell My Kids To Be Careful — Kim is Raising Babes, Naturally, by staying present and avoiding the phrase "be careful!"

Peas in a Pod

Welcome to the August 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Sibling Revelry
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about siblings - their own, their hopes for their kids, and more. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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While some people remember a time when there was a Sofiya, but not a Walter, Sofiya and Walter do not.  As far back as either of them can remember, the other has always been there.  They are 2 years and 16 days apart in age, and they are attached at the hip.

When we were expecting Walter, we talked about him tons.  The closer it got to time for his arrival, the more we talked about him.  Sofi was very interested in this little person who would share her milk, wear diapers like her, ride in the sling, sleep in the big bed with Mommy and Daddy, and - most exciting - ride in the backseat with her!  We had planned a homebirth for Walter, and we had made arrangements for a good friend to come over and hang out with Sofi while I labored and birthed.  She had instructions that she was to take Sofi wherever Sofi was most comfortable - in the house, out of the house, away from the house, whatever Sofi needed.  Sofi stayed right there and kept an eye on things.  She was quite interested in the crying little man who emerged from my body about 2 hours after she woke up for the day, on August 15.

When the birth was complete, all of us bundled up the stairs to the bedroom, and Walter and I were tucked into bed.  I called my mother to tell her that Walter had arrived, while he nursed for the first time.  As I held up the phone to make the call, Sofi climbed under my elbow and latched on my open breast, unexpectedly.  And there they were, staring at one another, across the (tiny) expanse of my chest.  You know how they say that a newborn can see almost exactly the distance from the breast to mom's face?  Well, it didn't occur to me until pretty much that moment that the distance from one breast to another is about the same as the distance to mom's face.  And so, my two little loves stared at one another, in that perfect distance for Walter to really see Sofi well.

And pretty much from that moment on, they have been inseparable. When Walter was a baby, lying on a blanket or in a baby gym, Sofi would ever so carefully lie down next to him and show him the toys.  When he was a toddler, she delighted in having him join her in playing with her toys.  When he was old enough to toddle along behind her to the playroom, she taught him to play all of her games.

When he was old enough to follow her outside, she taught him how to climb the tree, swing, scoot on his bike, and play all of the outside games.  By the time he was nearly 3, I was an accessory in their lives.  I was there to make snacks, wipe bottoms, and fix toys.  Other than that, they didn't have much need of me.  They had one another, and that was pretty much all they really needed, most of the time.

Now, they are 7 and 5 (this week!) years old.  They are still the best of friends.  Their relationship has changed as time has gone by.  Walter really struggled last year when Sofi had shifted from wanting to play all of the time to wanting to sit and write, or draw, or look at books for a significant portion of the day.  He wasn't quite developmentally there yet, but playing without her was such a foreign concept to him.  Just the past few months, he has developed the ability to sit still for longer periods of time, and he is happier to join her for these activities.

It isn't always paradise.  They definitely have their spats.  However, there is nothing so great that they want to not be together, most of the time.  Often, if I send one to his or her room for a cool down, the other one will be right off behind, and they will stay in the room and play for hours - forgetting that there was ever a problem to begin with.

I thought for certain that Elliott would be just as easily embraced, forming a fun triangle.  It has been funny to me that, while they adore their brother, and they are happy to allow him to join them, there is simply not that same connection there as the two of them have.

In the past few months, he has begun to enjoy some pretend play, and to imitate what they are doing.  This has brought him more time playing with the "kids" as he calls them.  But he still spends about 65% of his time at my side, rather than theirs.

I wonder what place William will occupy in their grouping.  He and Elliott will also tandem nurse, as long as nothing goes awry in the next 6 weeks.  They will be closer in age than Elliott and Walter are - 2 years 3 months, roughly, versus 2 years 10 months.  I wonder if William and Elliott will be more like Sofi and Walter were, or if me being busy with a new baby will give Elliott more incentive to join Sofi and Walter.

But for now, I enjoy the special relationship that my two oldest children share.  I hope that they are able to remain this close and happy together as they continue to grow up.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon August 13 with all the carnival links.)

• The Damage of Comparing Siblings — Comparing siblings can lead to hurt feelings and poor relationships. What Jana Falls has learned and why she hopes for more for her son.
• Connecting Through Sibling Rivalry — With four children who are spaced so that each child grows up in a pair, Destany at They are All of Me shares her method for minimizing the competition so her children can focus on bonding, rather than besting each other.
• Sibling Revelry — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares the two-week transition that happens every summer as her kids transform from bickering to learning how to play.
• Baby Brother born from an Ocean — Abby Jaramillo describes how her toddler connects in a possibly mystical way with her new baby brother and his birth at home, and Abby draws parallels with her own sister's new baby.
• Hard, But Worth It — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl discusses how difficult having two children can be, but how it's definitely worth it.
• Raising Attached Siblings — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy and her husband are making conscious choices about how they raise their children to foster sibling connection and attachment.
• It's Complicated — Henrietta at Angel Wings and Herb Tea reflects on how life's twists and turns have taken her from a childhood with no siblings to a constantly changing family life with five children, including one in spirit.
• Support — sustainablemum reflects on how the differences between her relationship with her siblings and her husband's have affected their family and at a time of need.
• Peas in a Pod — Kellie at Our Mindful Life enjoys the special relationship her oldest two children share.
• Lessening the competitive enviornment in the home — Lisa at The Squishable Baby discusses how downplaying competition in the home has led to cooperation, not competition.
• The complex and wonderful world of siblings — Lauren at Hobo Mamareflects on her choices to have not too many children, spaced far apart — and how that's maybe limited how close their sibling relationship can be.
• 5 Ways to Help Young Siblings Have a Loving Relationship — Charise I Thought I Knew Mama shares the strategies that help her three year old and 14 month old have a somewhat beautiful relationship and aid in keeping peace in their home.
• 4 Steps to Encourage Sibling Revelry, even in Hot Moments of Rivalry — Sheila Pai of A Living Family share 4 Steps she uses to shift hot moments of sibling rivalry towards connected moments of sibling revelry and human compassion.
• Twins Are Fun — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot witnesses the development of her twins' sibling bond.
• Growing Up Together- Sibling Revelry in Our House — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work realizes that there is great utility in raising siblings that are close in age, and is grateful to have been blessed with healthy siblings that both love and challenge one another every day.
• Top 5 Ways to Reduce Sibling Rivalry — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares ideas that helped her two children be best friends along with Montessori resources for peace education and conflict resolution.
• Sibling Uncertainty — Alisha at Cinnamon and Sassafras wonders how her children's relationship will change now that the baby is mobile.
• Living with the Longing — Rachael at The Variegated Life sees that she can live with her longing for another — without changing her plans.
• For My One and Only Daughter — Playing for Peace mommy reflects on her choice to not have more children in order to focus on other dreams.
• Siblings: A Crash Course in Relationship Training — How have your siblings prepared you for later relationships? One of Dionna at Code Name: Mama's top priorities as mama of siblings is to help them learn how to navigate relationships.
• The Joys of Siblings: An Inside Joke — Ana at Panda & Ananaso shares the a glimpse into the joys of having siblings through sharing a perplexing yet hilarious inside joke betwixt her and her own.
• Sibling Support, even in the potty! — Even though Laura at Pug in the Kitchen's children didn't start out best friends, they are joined at the hip these days, including cheering each other on with potty successes!
• Don't Seek What Isn't There - On Sibling Jealousy — Laura from Authentic Parenting analyzes the seeming desire people harbor for seeking out hints of sibling jealousy.

People. PEOPLE!

Welcome to the July 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning About Diversity
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they teach their children to embrace and respect the variety of people and cultures that surround us. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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My husband and I are both rather open minded about other people, and what it is that they do.  We have no need to judge others, and therefore, we have not taught our children to recognize and prioritize others' differences.  Our children rarely meet someone so different than themselves that it warrants even thinking of their differences.

However, when we moved to our new home in rural Ohio, we met with an exception.  We moved into an area with a large Amish population.  It has been exciting and fascinating for the children to learn about all of the different things that the Amish people do.  They love the buggies, the farms, the horses, the children in their different clothing.  They love the local Amish store, the local maple syrup, the produce from the local Amish produce stand.  They love everything about the Amish people in our neighborhood.

However, one local custom did not sit well with me.  In our neighborhood, it is common to refer to everything Amish, including the people, as "Amish".  My children quickly picked up on this custom and began referring constantly to "Amish."  By which I mean, they would say, "I just saw an Amish!" or, "Look at that Amish!"

It took a little while to explain to the children in a way that they finally understood that Amish is an adjective.  It is something ABOUT the people and their things.  It does not define the people.  And to call the people one thing about them that doesn't define them, is really not kind.  So, my children and I began to talk about how Amish is a religion, and a culture.  We have talked extensively about how the Amish people feel that it is important to live a simple life, and that they feel it is better to do without things like electricity and cars.  We have watched how they use horses for the farm work, instead of tractors.  We have talked about what we have in common with them, like how we prefer to use our clothes lines instead of a dryer.  We have talked about their clothes, and how they feel that it is better to wear plain colors and styles.

And most of all, we have talked about how the "Amish" are PEOPLE.  Just like us.  We have really worked at using Amish as an adjective, instead of a noun.  And now, my children happily talk about the Amish boys and girls, the Amish women and men, the Amish buggies, the Amish farms, the Amish produce stand, the Amish syrup, and the Amish honey.  It feels like a big accomplishment to me to have helped my children, just through their language, develop a more understanding approach to the people of another culture.
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon July 9 with all the carnival links.)

• A gift for my daugther — Amanda, a special education teacher for students with multiple exceptionalities, discusses at My Life in a Nutshell how she will enrich her daughter's life by educating her the amazing gifts her students will bring to the world.
• The Beauty in Our Differences — Meegs at A New Day writes about her discussions with her daughter about how accepting ourselves and those around us, with all our beautiful differences and similarities, makes the world a better place.
• Accepting Acceptance and Tolerating Tolerance — Destany at They Are All of Me examines the origins of and reasons behind present day social conformity.
• Differences — sustainablemum discusses what she feels to be the important skills for embracing diversity in her family home.
• Turning Japanese — Erin Yuki at And Now, for Something Completely Different shares how she teaches her kiddos about Japanese culture, and offers ideas about "semi immersion" language learning.
• Celebrating Diversity at the International House Cottages — Mommy at Playing for Peace discovers the cultures of the world with her family at local cultural festivals
• Learning About Diversity by Honoring Your Child’s Multiple Heritages — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at the importance of truly knowing your roots and heritage and how to help children honor their multiple heritages.
• People. PEOPLE! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is trying to teach her children to use language that reflects respect for others, even when their language doesn't seem to them to be disrespectful.
• Just Call me Clarice Thomas — Lisa at The Squishable Baby knows that learning to understand others produces empathetic children and empathetic families.
• Diversity of Families — Family can be much more then a blood relation. Jana at Jananas on why friends are so important for her little family of three.
• Diverse Thoughts Tamed by Mutual Respect — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work thinks that diversity is indispensable to our vitality, but that all of our many differences require a different sort of perspective, one led by compassion and mutual respect.
• Just Shut Up! — At Old New Legacy, Becky gives a few poignant examples in her life when listening, communication and friendship have helped her become more accepting of diversity.
• The World is our Oyster — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot is thankful for the experiences that an expat lifestyle will provide for herself as well as for her children.
• Children's black & white views (no pun intended … kind of) — Lauren at Hobo Mama wonders how to guide her kids past a childish me vs. them view of the world without shutting down useful conversation.
• Raising White Kids in a Multicultural World — Leanna at All Done Monkey offers her two cents on how to raise white children to be self-confident, contributing members of a colorful world. Unity in diversity, anyone?
• Ramadan Star and Moon Craft — Celebrate Ramadan with this star and moon craft from Stephanie at InCultureParent, made out of recycled materials, including your kid's art!
• Race Matters: Discussing History, Discrimination, and Prejudice with Children — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy discusses how her family deals with the discrimination against others and how she and her husband are raising children who are making a difference.
• The Difference is Me - Living as the Rainbow Generation — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle, guest posting at Natural Parents Network, is used to being the odd-one-out but walking an alternative path with children means digging deeper, answering lots of questions and opening to more love.
• My daughter will never know same-sex marriage is not normal — Doña at Nurtured Mama realizes that the recent Supreme Court rulings on same-sex marriage will change the way she talks to her daughter about her own past.
• Montessori-Inspired Respect for Diversity — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about her multicultural family and shares Montessori-inspired ideas for encouraging respect for diversity.
• EveryDay Diversity — Ana at Panda & Ananaso makes diversity a part of everyday living, focusing on raising of compassionate and respectful child.
• Diversity as Part of Life — Even though Laura at Authentic Parenting thought she had diversity covered, she found out that some things are hard to control.
• Inequity and Privilege — Jona is unpacking questions raised by a summit addressing inequity in breastfeeding support at Life, Intertwined.
• 3 Ways to Teach Young Children About Diversity — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama recognizes her family's place of privilege and shares how she is teaching her little ones about diversity in their suburban community.
• Teaching diversity: tales from public school — A former public high school teacher and current public school parent, Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama values living in a diverse community.
• 30 Ideas to Encourage Learning about Diversity While Traveling — Traveling with kids can bring any subject alive. Dionna at Code Name: Mama has come up with a variety of ways you can incorporate diversity education into your family travels (regardless of whether you homeschool). From couch surfing to transformative reading, celebrate diversity on your next trip!
• Diversity, huh? — Jorje of Momma Jorje doesn't do anything BIG to teach about diversity; it's more about the little things.
• Chosen and Loved — From Laura at Pug in the Kitchen: Color doesn't matter. Ethnicity doesn't matter. Love matters.
• The One With The Bright Skin — Stefanie at Very Very Fine tries to recover from a graceless reponse to her son's apparent prejudice.

I Only Expected to Love...

Welcome to the June 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting in Theory vs. in Reality
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants are sharing how their ideas and methods of parenting have changed.
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In parenting, I’ve been lucky, I think, in that I went in with very little expectation of what it would be like.  I knew only that I would love my children, and that I was prepared to be flexible in my parenting, to be able to adapt to what worked for my children.  I read some parenting propaganda, but much of it did not resonate with me.  I knew all along, for instance, that babies did not need all the plethora of baby “essentials” that were touted on baby registry guides, in parenting magazines, and on television.  Any book or article that told me exactly what to do to be the perfect parent, have the perfect child, or handle every situation perfectly was immediately thrown out.  I already knew enough to know that children were not mechanical and that individual results would vary.

I went in hoping to breastfeed, to keep my baby close to me, and to treat my children with respect.  Other than that, I had very little expectation for myself.

My entrance to the parenting pool was more of an unprepared shove from the side than a swan dive, when my first child was born 2 months early, via c-section, and installed in a NICU while I was discharged and sent home for 3 weeks.  But, I was able to recover gracefully and hold tight to my ideals.  I pumped milk for the baby who was too small to breastfeed.  I spent every minute I could with my baby at the hospital, and nearly every minute I had with her when she came home.  I treated her with respect and got to know her, fought for her, and responded to her from day 1, instead of trying to tell her how she should feel.

And we went on from there, growing and bumbling through our relationship as parent and child.  It is funny to me now, looking back on that first chld’s experience.  I did childcare in my home for a few different children the first few years of Sofi’s life, and every now and again I look back at my “rules” for these children.  I’m always shocked by what expectations I had for them!  Sofi herself, at 18 months old or so, would stand by the wall with her nose to the wall when she was “in trouble”.  Walter never had to do this.  Elliott cannot imagine what that would mean.  Sofi didn’t do it for long.  Watching as my own children grew, and being flexible enough to try new things and see what worked for each child allowed me to back out of situations that weren’t working instead of digging in my heels and “winning”.  In reality, both my children and I won this way because we no longer fought most of the time.  I remained open, at all times, to learning new things about parenting that would help me to be a better parent, and my children to have healthier lives.

I am still growing and evolving, nearly 7 years later and with my fourth child on his way.  I still read books and articles regularly, tossing aside the “perfect solution” books and devouring books that offer ideas, support, and open guidance instead.  I still strive to be a better parent.  I still work on the parts of my parenting that I don’t like.  And, I suppose, I am still holding tight to my ideals of breastfeeding, being flexible, and respecting my children.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon November 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Acts of Service: The Great Neighborhood Clean Up — Sarah at Firmly Planted shares how her daughter's irritation with litter led to weekly cleanups.
• Running for Charity — Find out how Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her love of running and a great new app to help feed the hungry.
• 50 Family Friendly Community Service Project Ideas — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares a list of 50 family-friendly community service project ideas that are easy to incorporate to your daily, weekly, monthly, or seasonal rhythmn.
• Volunteering with a Child — Volunteer work does not need to be put on hold while we raise our children. Jenn of Monkey Butt Junction discusses some creative options for volunteering with a child at Natural Parents Network.
• Family Service Project: Food Bank of Central and Eastern North Carolina — Erika at Cinco de Mommy volunteers with her children at the Food Bank of Central and Eastern North Carolina, where 29% of the recipients are children.
• Family Service Learning: Advent Calendar — Lyndsay at ourfeminist{play}school offers her family's approach to some holiday-related community service by sharing their community focused Advent Calendar. She includes so tips and suggestions for making your own in time for this year's holidays.
• How to make street crossing flags as a family service project — Lauren at Hobo Mama offers a tutorial for an easy and relatively kid-friendly project that will engage young pedestrians.
• Pieces of the Puzzle — Because of an experience Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had as a child, she's excited to show her children how they can reach out to others and be a blessing.
• Appalachian Bear Rescue — Erica at ChildOrganics shares how saving pennies, acorns and hickory nuts go a long way in helping rescue orphaned and injured black bears.
• Volunteering to Burnout and Back — Jorje of Momma Jorje has volunteered to the point of burnout and back again... but how to involve little ones in giving back?
• How to Help Your Kids Develop Compassion through Service Projects — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares service projects her family has done along with links to lots of resources for service projects you can do with your children.
• Involving Young Children in Service — Leanna at All Done Monkey, the mother of a toddler, reflects on how to make service a joyful experience for young children.
• A Letter to My Mama — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has dedicated her life to service, just like her own mama. Today Dionna is thanking her mother for so richly blessing her.
• 5 Ways to Serve Others When You Have Small Children — It can be tough to volunteer with young children. Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots shares how her family looks for opportunities to serve in every day life.
• When Giving It Away Is Too Hard for Mommy — Jade at Looking Through Jade Glass But Dimly lets her children choose the charity for the family but struggles when her children's generosity extends to giving away treasured keepsakes.
• Community Service Through Everyday Compassion — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children calls us to Community Service Through Everyday Compassion; sometimes it is the small things we can do everyday that make the greater impacts.
• School Bags and Glad Rags — Alt Family are trying to spread a little love this Christmas time by involving the kids in a bit of charity giving.
• Children in (Volunteering) Service — Luschka at Diary of a First Child reminisces on her own experiences of volunteering as a child, reflects on what she thinks volunteering teaches children and how she hopes voluntary service will impact on her own children.

Firefighter Training Homeschool Curriculum

Welcome to the May 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Emergency Preparedness
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared their plans to keep their families safe. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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My daughter has just completed her first "year" of homeschooling, which seems like a silly thing to say considering that we've been teaching her at home her whole life.  But, she completed all of her goals for first grade.  One of our favorite units, which we broke into two parts, we called "Firefighter Training."  Sofi love, love, loves firefighters, and anything firefighter related.  She tells everyone that she will be a firefighter when she grows up.  So, when we needed to talk about safety related subjects - as required by law in our state, and just for common sense purposes - I tried to make it more fun and pertinent for her by calling it Firefighter Training!

Firefighters need to be able to cope with all types of situations.  We have learned that pretty much all firefighters have to not only know how to fight fires, but also need to be trained as paramedics.  Most of the time, when a 911 call comes in, the local fire department also responds.  Often, at the scene, paramedics and police officers need the strength and specialized tools that a fire company carries - even if there is no threat of fire.  So, it was important for my little firefighter to know how to cope with all manner of emergency situations - not just how to aim a hose at a fire.

For our unit, we covered the following topics:

I. List of emergencies to prepare for.
A. Fire
B.Thunderstorms
C.Tornado
D. Earthquake
E. Flood
F. Winter Weather
G. Extreme Heat
H. Downed Power Lines
I. Wild Animals
J. Gun safety
K. Being lost
L. Injury 
M. Sneaky People

II. Know how to identify warnings
A. weather sirens
B. Weather app

III. How to prepare for each emergency
A. Fire
1. Discuss Exit Strategy
2. Make a Map
3. Know meet up destination
B.Thunderstorms
1. Stay under sturdy cover
2. Stay away from windows
3. Stay away from tall objects
C.Tornado
1. Take cover in a low lying area
a. basement
b. bathtub
c. ditch
2. Protect head, neck and back
a. mattress
b. hands
D. Earthquake
1. Drop to hands and knees and crawl to shelter
2. Shelter under sturdy tables during quake
E. Flood
1. Do not play alone near lakes, ponds, rivers or streams
2. Do not play in water drainage ditches
3. Do not go into water that you cannot see through
4. Do not go into water that has debris floating in it.
F. Winter Weather
1. Wear warm clothing
a. Long underwear
b. Long sleeved shirt/sweater
c. Warm socks
d. Snow boots
e. Warm coat
f. Gloves or mittens
g. Warm hat
h. Scarf
2. Stay dry
3. Avoid frostbite
a. Keep skin covered
b. Keep extremities warm
4. If outside, be careful walking on surfaces that could be slippery
a. Porches
b. Sidewalks
c. Parking lots
d. Snow
e. Frozen waterways
5. Keep an Emergency Car Kit
a. Antifreeze
b. Wiper Fluid
c. Cat litter
d. Scraper
e. Flashlight
f. Water
g. Snacks
h. Blankets
i. Fix-a-flat
j. Jumper cables
k. Flares
l. First aid kit
m. Candle
6. Build 72 Hour Kits
7. Discuss Emergency Plans
G. Extreme Heat
1. Stay out of direct sun
a. stay in shade if outside
b. use water to cool down
i. sprinkler
ii. swimming pool
iii. wading pool
c. park car in shade
2. Use air conditioning or fans inside
3. Use windows or air conditioning in car
a. do not leave children or pets in parked cars
b. do not play in cars
c. cover car seats
d. metal on cars may burn
H. Downed Power Lines
I. Wild Animals
J. Gun Safety
K. Being lost
L. Injury
1. Bumps and bruises
2. Scrapes
3. Cuts
4. Broken bones
5. Falls
6. Fainting
M. Sneaky People (Name borrowed from www.hobomama.com, material borrowed from www.safelyeverafter.com)

1. I am the boss of my own body, and other people are the boss of theirs.

2. Know name, address, phone number and parents' names.

3. Safe grown ups to ask for help.

4. Never go anywhere with anyone or take anything from anyone you don't know without asking a parent first.

5. Always check first with a parent before going anywhere, or getting into a car with someone even if it is someone you know.

6. No one should ever look at or touch the area that your bathing suit covers unless you ask them to.

7. It is ok to not be nice to someone if they are hurting you or giving you the uh-oh feeling.

8. We don't keep secrets from our parents.

9. We all have a magic voice in our heads called our conscience, and it is always best to listen to it, especially if it is telling you uh-oh!

Some of these topics were pretty cut and dry.  Downed power line? Stay away from it, make sure the toddler and the dog are in the house, tell a grown up.  Some of them were a bit scarier.  If you are ever in a public place and someone starts shooting a gun, you run and hide - and it is ok to go without Mommy and Daddy, just HIDE.  The overlying theme - "and then come tell an adult."

The segment that was the most fun, was making our 72-hour "Emergency Kits."  We worked together to make lists of what types of things we would need for an emergency.  My kids are young - 4 and 6, so I didn't want this to put scary ideas in their heads, like terrorist attacks, or bombings, or what have you.  So, we focused on more natural disaster type things that would necessitate similar precautions.  We talked about what we would need if there were a blizzard that knocked our power out for a few days.  How would we stay warm?  How would we cook?  What kinds of foods could we easily prepare and eat with minimal water or energy consumption (that would still work for everyone's allergies and keep us all safe)?  What if there were a big flood and we had to evacuate?  What would we need to take with us?  Where would we go?  Who would be our contact person so that if Daddy were at work an hour away and we all had to evacuate immediately without having time for Daddy to come home first?

It was really wonderful how many of these questions my kids were able to answer on their own.  They are really very aware of what goes on around them, and how things work.  They were even able to help me make a menu for a 72 hour kit that would meet everyone's nutritional and allergen needs.  Then we had the fun of collecting the items we would need to make our 72 hour kits, and everyone got to pick out a new backpack to store his or her things in.  All of the backpacks are stored together in a little used closet, along with a bin of food and bottled water.  We also compiled lists of emergency needs for the car and the van and assembled them.

This was such a fun unit for us to do, with a lot of hands on time!  We covered the wintery subjects in the fall and the summery subjects in the spring when it warmed up.  Then we talk about them and reinforce them often.  My little firefighter found that she was able to cope with a lot of scary topics, with a minimum of tears, and learn what she needed to know to keep herself safe!

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon May 14 with all the carnival links.)

• Be Prepared for Emergencies — Becky at Crafty Garden Mama is reviewing Angela England's new ebook, The Untrained Housewife's Guide to Getting Prepared. See what measures she is learning to adopt in her family.
• Prepare to Expect a Safe and Beautiful Natural Birth — What do you need to have prepared so that you can have a nice and relaxing birth at home? Lisa at The Squishable Baby shares her list in a guest post at Natural Parents Network.
• Fire Boxes for Emergency Preparedness — Jana of Jananas tells why she bought a fire box to store important documents and what is stored in the box.
• Firefighter Training Homeschool Curriculum — Kellie at Our Mindful Life helped her homeschooled kids prepare for emergencies through a Firefighter Training unit.
• 3 Secrets to a Royal Emergency — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep tells the secret to living like kings during a storm-induced power outage.
• Is Your Family Prepared for an Emergency? — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares an overview of what her family has done to become more prepared for emergencies.
• What to Do in an Earthquake — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It gives instructions for staying safe in the event of an earthquake as well as tips for teaching your children to keep safe and where to find information online after an earthquake.
• Spring Cleaning & Preparing, Part 2 — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger organizes and replenishes her emergency supply every spring and is learning to add to the food stockpile by preserving year-round.
• 15 Must-Haves For The Natural Minded Family When Disaster or Emergency Strikes — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she prepares for disaster or an emergency as a natural minded mama. Learn what 15 natural items you should consider having on hand!
• Emergency Preparedness: Cosleeping, Cheezits, Chocolate — Kristine at All the Things in the World was happy to have cosleeping in her emergency tool kit during Hurricane Sandy.
• Being Prepared For Personal Disasters — Luschka at Diary of a First Child draws on her own recent experiences and considers five things every parent should have in place to ease the burden when sudden disaster strikes.
• The Natural Emergency Kit That I Always Carry in My Diaper Bag — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares the four green and natural items in her emergency kit that she can't do without when she's out and about with her little ones.
• Prepared... or not? — Is it dangerous to not prepare? Jorje of Momma Jorje shares whether her family prepares…or not.
• Pack a car safety kit: 25 must-have items for emergencies — Whether you're out for a leisurely drive or fleeing a disaster, Lauren at Hobo Mama offers tips on stocking your car with emergency supplies that will tide you over if you're stranded.
• Teaching My Children About Tornados — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about preparing her children for tornado season.
• Preparing our children for emergencies — Preparing for emergencies means preparing your children, and Robbie at Going Green Mama shares ways on how to empower kids when it comes to emergencies.
• Emergency Preparedness in Sub-Saharan Africa — After living in Sub-Saharan Africa for 7 years, emergency preparedness is not just a concept any more to Laura from Authentic Parenting.
• Five Ideas to Keep Babies and Toddlers Safe from Choking — Do you have a baby or toddler who likes to put everything (and I mean *everything*) in her mouth? Dionna at Code Name: Mama does, and today she's sharing a story and some tips on how to keep your little ones safe from choking.