Styling Kids

Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children's personal care choices.

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I have three equally wonderful children, who are each completely unique. My Bean loves Fourth of July, all things red, white, and blue, and, above all else, anything related to firefighting. The Bug is my dapper little man, enamored with purple and black, and is a farmer at heart. Squeaker is still pretty young, but his personality is already an amusing blend of Beanie and Papa’s laid back cheerfulness and mine and the Bug’s persistence and willpower. So far, his interests are limited to his nesting boxes, jingle bell, and whatever his siblings are playing, but I’m sure it won’t be long before he is telling me all about what he love, love, loves.

One thing that is important to Papa and me, as parents, is that we don’t tell our children how to feel, or what to like. We don’t tell them what their interests should be. We don’t tell them who they should be. We don’t tell them what they should look like. We do set some ground rules and guidelines, but we let them express themselves as much as possible.

One area that we really incorporate this is the children’s appearance. For us, guidelines are things like; we expect that the children will be dressed neatly, in age and weather appropriate clothing. When clothing no longer fits or is in disrepair, it is no longer worn. We don’t have licensed characters in our house (with a few exceptions), and never on clothing. We don’t go for witty sayings that our kids don’t understand. We brush our hair and teeth every day. We keep our hair neatly trimmed and style it daily.

That is about where our influence ends. The kids shop with us most of the time. I provide a general shopping list when we are changing season or size. They pick what they want to buy to fits that list. Seven short sleeved tops means something entirely different to the Bean than it does to the Bug. And I find it quite amusing that while much of the Bean’s clothing is gender neutral, the Bug refuses to wear her cast off blue and red clothing most of the time.

Something that always surprises me is that my Bean can look like whatever she wants, wear whatever she wants, and draw little or no criticism, while my Bug has a harder time with other people’s opinions. He is often mistaken for a girl, much to his chagrin. As I said, his favorite color is purple – which is apparently not a boy color, so much. I get it – I had never thought of it as a masculine color until I had the Bug. But now, it irritates me to no end that finding purple clothing that is masculine is so difficult. He often buys girl’s tops because they are beautiful purples when the boy’s department is only full of blue and green that he doesn’t like. I do try to steer him towards the plainer ones, to minimize the girl comments, but his long sleeve favorite has a slightly ruffled hem and cuffs.

Also, he has wanted long hair since he was old enough to talk. With his short little wisps around his face, he would beg me daily for a ponytail like Beanie’s. I would explain, day after day, that he had to grow enough hair for me to put in a ponytail if that was what he wanted. It took him two and a half years, but finally his hair got long enough to make him happy, and it has continued to grow since then. I’ve insisted on trimming it up to keep it growing evenly, and in a nice shape, but I’ve never taken the length of it away from him. And he loves his “golden curls”. Really, they are quite handsome, and on a teenage version of himself, would have girls going wild. But on a three year old, they are quite controversial. Many people feel that I should force him to cut it, even though he loves it.

People feel that they have every right to tell him that he should cut it, ask him why he doesn’t tell his parents to take him to a barber, or threaten to cut it off for him. When we tell people that it hurts his feelings to be told these things, we’ve been told that we should force him to cut his hair so that people would stop saying things that hurt his feelings.

I think it is because people feel that a three year old shouldn’t have an opinion, or that his opinion should be based on the opinions of the adults surrounding him. Or maybe it’s because people feel uncomfortable that he is pushing a gender boundary already. He doesn’t know anything about gender stereotypes yet, though. What he does know is that he wants to grow his hair long, and his beard “down to his belt” – when he is old enough to grow one at all. And he knows that he is a happy little man, who is comfortable with himself and the way that he looks, and who is loved and supported by the people who love him.

Our goal as parents is to continue supporting our kids in their quest to be themselves, whatever that may look like, and to raise happy, self-confident children who love themselves as much as we love them.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 10 with all the carnival links.)

• Rub-a-Dub Co-Bathing in Our Tub — Bath time is more than soap and water! That Mama Gretchen shares how co-bathing with her toddler has opened up a world of cleanliness, learning, and bonding.


• This is How We Take a Bath — Shannon at GrowingSlower shares her special formulas for babywash and a happy bath time.


• How to Gently Trim Your Toddler's Nails — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses some of the gentle suggestions she has received to help Little Man overcome his anxiety of having his nails trimmed, as well as how she copes with her need for his nails to be trimmed.


• Baby bath time and skin care — Ursula Ciller shares some simple and natural tips for bathing and skin care.


• Want Your Child To Love Getting Clean? Have Them Make Their Own Soaps, Shampoos, and Lotions! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her secret to empowering her daughter to "get clean." Together, Jennifer and her daughter make their own body washes and lotions which makes clean up time fun!


• Encouraging Self-care Through Awareness... and Fun — Amy at Presence Parenting shares some tips on how to transform self-care from a struggle into an opportunity -- for kids and adults.


• Caring for kids' curls — Lauren at Hobo Mama tells you how to clean, condition, comb, and style ringlets and waves on little heads.


• Playing in the Rain — Jorje of Momma Jorje loves how her family has come to make a family event of showering!


• The Cleansing Power of the Football — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet talks about her son's favorite bath buddy.


• Coconut Oil: Nature's "Baby Magic" — Megan at The Boho Mama has only one must-have baby care item in her cupboard: Coconut Oil!


• For Sensitive Kids, Less Is More — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn finds less cleaning is better.


• Bathtime: Just Another Chance to Play! — Lyndsay at Our Feminist {Play} School discusses the many reasons bath time is important - getting clean isn't one of them.


• Hygiene? What hygiene? — Sheila at A Gift Universe confesses some of her most embarrassing hygiene secrets.


• Confused About Chemicals? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep describes how to find out where the toxic chemicals are in your house and tips on alternatives.


• Clipping Those Talons — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways her daughter's tolerance for personal care has changed over time, especially when it comes to nail clipping.


• Sit Back, Relax and Unschool Hygiene — Instead of focusing on tactics of how to 'get' your child to focus on hygiene, Authentic Parenting explains how to help your child internalize hygienic standards.


• Help! My Tot will not let me brush her teeth! — Mudpiemama shares five positive ways to help toddlers brush teeth and sabotage the tooth fairy’s secret conspiracy.


• Self Care and the Spirited Child — Amy at Toddler In Tow shares how a balancing act between independence and connectedness helps her spirited child learn appropriate self-care.


• Hairbrushing is a Safety Issue — Dulce de leche guest posting at Natural Parents Network explains that although tangles are not a safety issue, self-confidence and body boundaries are.


• 15 Ideas to Prepare Toddlers and Preschoolers for Dental Procedures — Dionna at Code Name: Mama is sharing ideas on how to thoughtfully prepare little ones for dental visits (particularly those that require anesthesia).


• Holistic Care of your Toddler's Teeth — Erica at ChildOrganics tells a tale of her children's teeth issues and how she uses homeopathy and good nutrition to keep cavities at bay.


• Bath Time Bliss : Fuss-Free Bath Time for Toddlers — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares how she has made bath time completely fuss free for both her and her toddler.


• Homemade Natural Toothpaste — City Kids Homeschooling hosts a guest post on a homemade natural toothpaste recipe that kids will love!


• Bathing Strike Strategies — Crunchy Con Mommy offers her best tips for keeping your little ones clean when they refuse to bathe.


• Bodily Autonomy and Personal Hygeine — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the importance of supporting a child's bodily autonomy in the prevention of abuse.


• A Tub Full of Kiddos! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has kiddos who love the water, so bathtime is a favorite evening activity!


• The Trials of Tidying My Toddler — Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares the difficulties she has with getting her on-the-go son to be still enough to get clean.


• Wiped Clean — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen shares her recipe for homemade diaper wipe solution to clean those sweet little cloth diapered bottoms in her home!


• Snug in a Towel: Embracing Personal Grooming — Personal care is time consuming,especially with more than one child; but the mama at Our Muddy Boots is learning to embrace this fleeting and needful time.


• EC: All or Nothing? — Elimination Communication. Even the title sounds complicated and time consuming. It doesn't have to, if you adapt it to meet your family's needs, says Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.


• Routine Battles — In a guest post at Anktangle, Jorje of Momma Jorje outlines a simple incentive to help inspire your little one to follow a routine.


• Redefining Beauty For My Daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger relays her struggle to define her own femininity and how her preschooler unexpectedly taught her a lesson in true beauty.


• Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In The Tub — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares how she turns bath time into a few minutes of peace and quiet.


• Montessori-Inspired Activities for Care of Self — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has a roundup of Montessori-inspired activities for care of self and ideas for home environments that encourage independence.


• 10 Gentle Tips for Little Ones Who Hate the Bath — Kim at life-is-learning gives 10 tips to get your little one into the bath and maybe even enjoying it.


• The Boy With The Long Hair — Liam at In The Now discusses his son's grooming choices.


• Personal Care in a Montessori Home — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares a summary of the ways she has organized her family's home to make for easy, Montessori-inspired toddler personal care.


• Styling Kids — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is letting her kids decide what to look like.


• Clean Kids: Laundry and Bath Tips — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia shares tips on how to get your children helping with laundry plus recipes for laundry and liquid soap.


• How to Clean Your Children Naturally: A Tutorial — Erika at Cinco de Mommy shows you how to clean your children.


• Cleaniliness is next to... dirt — The lapse-prone eco-mom (Kenna at Million Tiny Things) sometimes forgets to bathe the kids. Except in the mud pit.