The Perfect Birth

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
***
In the natural parenting community, having a c-section is a nearly unforgivable offense - unless it is appropriately mourned, studied, used as fodder for berating the medical community, and held over the head of the recipient to show the mother's weakness and inability to procure the "perfect birth."  After all, a good mother would never allow herself to be cut open - right?

But the fact of the matter is that while the c-section rate in America is FAR too high, and while doctors are doing c-sections on women who don't need them, and while medical interventions DO cause higher than necessary c-section rates, a small percentage of births really do need a c-section to achieve the best possible outcome.  My daughter's birth was one of them.

My daughter is my oldest child.  When I was pregnant with her, I did as much research as I knew how to do.  I understood that an epidural would lead to loss of sensation, and would raise my risk of c-section (not that my needle phobia would have allowed that anyway).  I understood that induction would greatly raise my risk of a c-section.  I understood that a c-section happy doctor would raise my risk of a c-section and that finding out about a doctor's c-section rate was important when choosing a doctor.  I understood that birth position would greatly influence my risk of a c-section and that giving birth on my back was not a good idea.  I was prepared!

But I did not prepare for a slow leak of my amniotic fluid that was discovered at 28 weeks.  I did not anticipate preterm labor that started at 30 weeks, with a baby stuck in a breech position.  However, taking the knowledge that I did have, and the trust that I had in my high risk OB whose c-section rate was lower than the midwives I had started with, I was able to formulate a birth plan that worked for my family and my doctor, and most especially, my baby.

Sofiya was a tiny peanut with an overactive thyroid, due to my (believed to be) controlled grave's disease.  She had done gymnastics in my womb on a scale unrivaled by any baby I've ever encountered.  And she had tangled herself in her cord so severely that she was stuck tight in a breech position with the cord wrapped round and round her neck, unable to move.  When the slow leak in the amniotic fluid began, she also ran out of fluid to support her movements.  I was put on bedrest, then in the hospital on magnesium sulfate, to keep her in-utero as long as possible.

While I was in the hospital, the doctor visited me daily and stayed to answer extensive questions.  We discussed my birth options, and since he and I both knew that vaginal birth was optimal, we were both reluctant to do an unnecessary c-section.  But, as we sat together and discussed the risks, it became evident that the choice for a c-section was clear.

Being born at 31 weeks, as Sofi was, the biggest risk she was facing was a brain bleed.  Premature infants get them often, and bleed out quickly.  She was so tiny that I could have easily born her breech - but it would have increased her risk of brain bleed.  The doctor could have attempted an external cephalic version (turning the baby in utero so that she was head down), but this would have also increased her risk of brain bleed.  So, looking at raising the risk of death for my infant, or raising the risks of complication for me, we jointly chose to raise my risks, not hers.

One of the things that made this decision easier was that we got to decide this while sitting and having a calm discussion.  Another thing that made this easier was that I had an amazing OB who I explicitly trusted to make the best decision for ME and MY BABY.  I was also lucky enough to have the time to sit with the decision before it was executed, to have room to make choices for myself within the decision, and to feel like I had some power and control in the situation, instead of having a c-section happen to me.

In the days between the decision and the action, I was able to read, to envision, to prepare, and to make choices.  I knew from day 1 that I would never be able to have an epidural during labor because my needle phobia is intense.  But, during a c-section, anesthesia is obviously necessary.  So, my doctor and I were able to agree on a general anesthesia, to get me through the birth in the calmest possible way.  We were able to talk to the neonatologists and find out what to expect with such a small baby.  We were able to make our wishes about interventions and vaccinations clear ahead of time.

And when the big day came, I was able to roll down the hallway to the OR, calmly knowing that I was making the best possible choice for myself and my baby.

I've since gone on to have 2 more babies, vaginally, at home.  Those two births were perfect.  Just as perfect as Sofi's birth was for her.

There are many things on my parenting journey that I look back on with less than fond memories, but Sofiya's birth is not one of them.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn't what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma's Birth ... 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a "dream birth," but she wouldn't change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children's births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn't go 'to plan', and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children's births, and tries to do the same with her sons' birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences... — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist's point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares the strength she didn't realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama - embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father's View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband's advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn't end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that "perfect" birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct - Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura's Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that's one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn't need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she'd really be most comfortable when the time came...
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn't they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One - Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What's to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child's birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman's Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister's Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn't exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons' births.

Bloggers for Birth Kits

When I had my home births, my midwife brought out a tote bin, approximately 18 gallon size, of supplies that stayed at the house from 36 weeks on.  It contained all of the various medical supplies that would possibly be needed for a safe birth at home.  In addition, she had us assemble a birth kit containing epsom salts, olive oil, extra towels and wash cloths, a dozen diapers, baby wipes, baby clothes, baby blankets, a hat for baby, receiving blankets, vinyl table cloths to go under me or the birth pool to keep other surfaces dry, pads for me for after the birth, witch hazel and extra sheets for the bed.  All of this filled up another tote bin of the same size.  For weeks, they sat in the corner of the dining room, keeping the supplies inside clean and dry, with the birth pool folded on top of them.

This was all I could think of when I read about the birth kits being assembled by Bloggers for Birth Kits to help birthing mothers in rural Papua New Guinea.

In rural Papua New Guinea, 1 out of every 7 mothers dies in childbirth.


Many of these mothers die simply because of a lack of sanitary supplies for giving birth.  This is where Bloggers for Birth Kits, and you, come in.

What can you do?

1. Make a birth kit. Assemble one yourself or gather a group of girlfriends, a moms group, work associates, or a church group to make a box full of them! Mail your kits to: Adriel Booker, Bloggers for Birth Kits, PO Box 6221, Townsville, Queensland, 4810, Australia. We will distribute the kits in some of the poorest regions of Papua New Guinea on our Medical Ship.

2. Donate for a birth kit to be made on your behalf. ($10 will buy 5 kits!) All donations for B4BK go toward the assembly and distribution of birth kits, as well as maternal care education. Make your online donation here. Please be sure to write Bloggers for Birth Kits in the “additional comments” box so the funds will be allocated properly.

3. Help raise awareness by posting about the cause on your blog, facebook, pinterest, and twitter (using #B4BirthKits), or add the Bloggers for Birth Kits button to your blog. (See the footer for code.)

What’s in a clean birth kit?

The specifics:

1. Soap (for the birth attendant to wash her hands). Use a hotel-size soap or cut a regular bar of soap into 1/8-sized pieces. (Microwave the bar of soap for 30 seconds to soften it for cutting).

2. One pair of plastic gloves (for the birth attendant to wear).

3. Five squares of gauze (to wipe the mum’s perineum and baby’s eyes). Gauze pieces should be about 10×10 centimeters or 3×3 inches.

4. One blade (to cut the cord). You can buy individually wrapped sterile blades at the pharmacist or buy utility blades (much cheaper) at the hardware store. We teach the women to boil the blades for sterilization, so utility blades work just fine.

5. Three pieces of strong string (2 for tying the cord, 1 for “just in case”). String should be about 30 centimeters or 10 inches long.

6. One plastic sheet (for a clean birthing surface). Sheet should be approximately 1×1 meter or 1×1 yard and can be purchased at your hardware or paint store.

7. One sandwich-size ziplock bag (to pack the contents).

Click here for instructions on proper assembly of birth kit, if you chose to assemble your own.

The discrepancy in care is astounding to me.  While I took such great care knitting the perfect wool hats to fit my tiny babies and keep their heads warm, these women are dying for lack of a $2 birth kit.

So, this is your call to arms!  Can you donate $10 today?  Or assemble 5 birth kits?  How many lives can you personally save, by simply providing a clean surface for a baby to be born on?

Back from Maternity Leave!

Apparently I took a rather extended, and unintended, maternity leave.  Oops!  But, our new addition, Squeaker, is a month old now and we are back in the groove enough that I think I will be able to resume my blogging.  I'll start with his amazing birth story.  Really, it was an incredible experience, and I am so grateful to have gotten to have it.

The names have been omitted for the privacy of the other people involved.  The initials of the birth team will be used instead, to make things less confusing.

Monday June 6 was a long day. I was 41 weeks pregnant and had nothing planned. I couldn’t really find anything to do all day long – so I pretty much did nothing but sit on the porch swing and watch the kids play in the yard. We were all in a mostly good mood and had a fine day, for all we were a bit bored. 

That night, putting the kids to bed, I had a *real* contraction at about 8:00. Now, I am differentiating real from Braxton Hicks contractions or from the ones that I had finally figured out tended to happen when my stomach muscles got tired at the end of the day. Neither of these were causing any progress. But, the one that night I could tell was the real deal. It was a bit intense, but I just went on reading the kids their book. By 9:30 I had gotten 3 whole contractions! I was so excited – I thought we might actually have a baby one day this week. 

By 10:30 I was debating calling the midwife just to give her a heads up, but the contractions were still pretty irregular and happening about every 10 minutes or so. I still figured we might have a baby sometime during the day Tuesday. However, I did make the brilliant decision to text my birth team to ask if they were awake and if they wanted to come over for what might not turn into a birth any time soon, or if they would rather get some sleep. TH was asleep already, but TFB jumped in her van and was here lickety split! 

By the time TFB got here, the contractions were about every 8 minutes, and this is pretty much where they stayed for the majority of my labor. I had used Hypnobabies to prepare for the birth, but unlike the Bug’s birth, I wasn’t able to focus and stay in my zone between contractions this time. I think possibly because they were spaced so far apart and partly because I was the one timing them and thinking about where we were in the game. But my birthing affirmations track was perfect for where my head was. When a contraction would come, I would just relax as much as I could and go over whatever birthing affirmation was on at that moment. I could just zone out where I was and stay calm and relaxed. 

The only place I could get comfortable this time, and relax through the contractions, was pretty much laying down on my side on the couch. I had a pillow under my head and one between my knees. TFB sat across from me and worked on her knitting and I lay there and we just chatted for a while. I think it was probably around midnight or so that I finally had 3 or 4 contractions that were about 5.5 minutes apart. My instructions were to call the midwife when the contractions were 4 minutes apart, but for some reason, I went ahead and called. Thank goodness I did! Immediately after calling, the contractions went back to about 8 minutes apart. I thought for sure that we’d end up with everyone camping out for hours while I labored, since the contractions were intense, but not that intense, and still pretty far apart. 

For about 2 weeks before this night, the kids had been doing all manner of crazy things on my couch, and I had found myself sounding like a broken record telling them to keep things off the couch. On more than one occasion I had said that karma was going to dictate that I would be lying on the couch when my water broke. It’s amazing how psychic I am some days. At about 10 minutes until 1, I was relaxing through a contraction, still lying on the couch, and I thought, “When this one is over, I’m going to have to go to the bathroom!” When the contraction was almost over, I felt the little gush. It wasn’t a big one, just enough that I knew what it was. And this is where it got tricky. I was still trying to relax through the contraction so I didn’t fight it. The Bug had waken up 45 minutes or so before that, and Papa had taken him back up and laid down with him to get him back to sleep – and never returned. So, mid-contraction, I had to explain to TFB where to find a towel because I didn’t want to get the couch if it could be helped. Luckily for me, she found it and got back in time and I didn’t get the couch at all! Once the contraction was over, I jumped up and ran for the bathroom and she ran upstairs to get Papa. Without that water bag there, the contractions gained some intensity, but not much speed. I told Papa to get the pool ready, because I knew I couldn’t be out of the water and relaxing through contractions much longer. 

When N, the birth assistant, arrived about 20 minutes later, my contractions were about 7.5 minutes apart, and still tolerable. I still thought we might be aiming for daybreak – but at least I knew it was the real thing! 

N hustled around and got everything set out for a birth. Papa got the pool all set up and filling for me. S, the midwife, arrived. We woke the Bean up. I got in the tub and we looked around at each other. I said to N, “So, how was your day?” and she just laughed at me! I stopped timing contractions at this point. I had no real idea how close together they were after this, but I felt like we were still having about the same amount of spacing between them.  I learned, reading my chart later, that they were about 4 minutes apart until I gave birth.

I could feel that little body moving down inside of me. There was this dull ache between the contractions. And I felt like I was going to throw up for quite a bit of the labor at this point. I do remember at one point saying to TFB and Papa before N got there that I thought I might be in transition because I suddenly had the shakes, cold flashes, and the urge to throw up with the contractions. But I still wasn’t feeling like it was definitely transition, and the contractions were still so far apart!   TFB told me afterwards, “When you said that, I thought there was no way you could actually be in transition because you said it so calmly!”  Turns out, I was actually in transition.

The pushing built slowly. Sometimes I would vocalize a bit and push just a bit. Sometimes I could just ride it out. They were a bit more intense at this point. N and S began rubbing my back during the contractions and it felt so good that I wouldn’t let them stop in between. It was almost like I could feel them moving him down for me, instead of my body doing the work. 

I had my hand between my legs, and I could feel his head slowly moving forward. Suddenly, I could feel it bulging through the skin, and I had that true pushing urge. I knew then that this was the real thing, and that we really were that far along. I pushed and moaned, and pushed some more. I wanted to stop, but my body kept going. There was simply no turning it off. I was trying so hard to slow down so that I would stretch more and tear less, but I couldn’t make that happen. I actually thought that I did tear, but I was assured that it didn’t look as though I had (I hadn’t). And suddenly – pop! – his head was out! We waited for what seemed like an eternity for his body to turn and a new contraction to push him out. Papa was stretched across the tub, ready to catch Squeaker. And we all just waited. I finally just pushed his body out without the assistance of a contraction, because none ever came! 

They got him up out of the water, and he was not crying yet. S was working on him and N got the oxygen out. I had given birth on my hands and knees, so he was behind me, with his cord stretched out. I was talking to him while S worked on him, but I couldn’t really reach him. S suddenly noticed that I was trying to touch him and told me how to move so that I could get back to him without yanking him away from her. The overhead lights were turned on and N noticed that there was a true knot in his cord. Finally, he started to mew and then to actually cry. 

Once he got going, he was great. We got settled and snuggled. After a bit of coaxing, he began to latch on and nurse. After a bit of that, we clamped and cut the cord. Papa took him and held him skin to skin while I delivered the placenta – so not my favorite part of birth! The couch was covered with a vinyl tablecloth and pillows and I was escorted there and got to lie down. Papa gave Squeaker back to me and went to wake up The Bug. I got to just lie on the couch for about an hour nursing, meeting, and loving my new baby and introducing him to my older 2. Both of the older kids were (and still are) ecstatic. The Bean helped to clean up and pack up the birthing tub. The Bug hung out by the couch, mostly. 

When the cleanup was done, we all assembled around the couch for the newborn exam and the Mama exam. Squeaker weighed in at 5 lbs 10 oz, and measured 18.5 inches. He was definitely a full term guy with plenty of wrinkles in his hands and feet, and was very awake and alert. 

We were up until 5, getting to know each other, getting settled, and getting everyone fixed up. We finally went to bed for about an hour and a half for the grown-ups and 2 hours or so for the kids. 

Squeaker has proved to be a wonderfully happy, involved little man so far. He barely cries at all, and spends quite a bit of time awake and alert, just watching us all to see what we are about. He is already smiling happily at us, and has quite a bit of head control.  He’s even rolled over several times now!  We are so excited that he joined our family, and that he is doing so well so far!

Natural Birth Plan

I've been on bedrest for 2 weeks today.  Technically, I'm allowed to get up as long as I'm not having contractions, but they haven't completely stopped in 2 weeks either.  I'm on medication to keep them at a minimum, and it seems to be mostly working, although we did have to raise the dosage a few days ago.  We would like to keep the baby in until about 37 weeks gestation, at the least, but 36 is the bare minimum.  Luckily, I'll be 36 weeks on Monday, and I'll feel much better over all about him coming after that.

We have planned a midwife assisted home birth all along, just as we had with the Bug.  And we are still planning one if we make it past 36 weeks.  However, it occurred to me this morning that our chances of needing a hospital, at least at this point, are slightly higher than the average homebirther.  I'm still holding on to that we will make it far enough to not have to go to the hospital to birth, and that the baby will be healthy enough to not need to transfer afterwards.  But, it did seem like a good idea to be prepared either way.  So, I've spent the morning writing up a birth plan for my natural birth.  I thought I would share it, since examples of natural birth plans can be somewhat few and far between online.  I will say that at this point, mine is running a little longer than is ideal, but I'm hoping that the items towards the end will not be needed, and if they are, can be pointed out to anyone attending the birth at that time.

Papa and Kellie’s Birth Plan

We would strongly prefer to give birth at home, with our midwife.  We understand that birth does not always go according to plan and are willing to transfer to the hospital before, during or after birth if an emergency situation occurs with either Kellie or the baby.  Should we transfer to the hospital, these are our preferences.

PLEASE NOTE THAT KELLIE IS EXTREMELY ALLERGIC TO DAIRY.  IT IS VITAL THAT ALL FOOD AND MEDICINE BE CHECKED FOR ANY DAIRY DERIVED INGREDIENTS BEFORE THEY ARE GIVEN TO KELLIE.  THIS INCLUDES ALL FORMS OF DAIRY, INCLUDING THOSE THAT ARE NOT ALWAYS CONSIDERED ALLERGENIC.  THIS IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE TO US AND WE ARE PREPARED TO FILE THE APPROPRIATE COMPLAINTS IF KELLIE IS GIVEN DAIRY IN ANY FORM.

Before Labor

* I trust that our practitioner will seek out our opinion concerning all of the issues directly affecting our birth before deviating from our plan.

* It is completely against our wishes to have Kellie’s membranes stripped.  We do not give our permission to strip Kellie’s membranes during a vaginal exam.

* We prefer minimal internal vaginal exams or at our request only.

* If we go past our due date and the baby and Kellie are fine, we prefer to go into labor naturally rather than be induced.

First Stage Labor

Environment

* We prefer to have our own discretion about who is to be in the room with us during labor and delivery.  It is expected that Papa will be in the room at all times, and we would also like our children to have access to us at all times.  If our children desire to be at the hospital with us, a care provider for them will also be present.  We will also most likely have at least one other birth support person with us.

* We are not opposed to students, residents, etc being in the room with us during labor and delivery.

* If at all possible, we prefer that a birthing tub be available to us for our birth, and we prefer to have the option to give birth in the water.

* We will be using self-hypnosis techniques during labor and delivery.   Because of this, we would prefer to have the lights dimmed, the room to be as quiet as possible, to bring our own music or audio relaxation tracks, and for the room to remain as calm as possible at all times.

* Kellie would like to wear her own clothing during labor and delivery.

* We would like the option to photograph our birth, and we welcome anyone to pick up the camera and take pictures if we have forgotten.

Pain Relief

* We will be using hypnosis for pain relief.

* If we need further assistance with pain relief, we would prefer to utilize massage, water,  deep or guided relaxation.

* Please do not offer other types of pain relief.

* It is important to us that Kellie be able to move around during labor as she feels comfortable.

Other Considerations

* Please keep our door closed during labor.

** We do not consent to continuous monitoring unless the baby is in distress, and then we will only be using external monitoring.

* Please avoid any unnecessary needles, IVs, etc.

Second Stage Labor

* We will push when Kellie feels ready.

* We will push without coaching.

* We will birth in whatever position feels comfortable at the time.

* We do not consent to an episiotomy.

* We do not consent to an enema.

* The baby’s shoulders and body are to be born spontaneously, with no manipulation.  Please feel free to support the baby as he is being born, but do not force him in any direction or squeeze any part of him.

After Birth

* We would like baby to be placed on Kellie immediately after birth, as long as the baby is healthy.

* We would prefer that the baby not be separated from Papa and Kellie unless the baby is having problems.

*Please delay all newborn procedures until after bonding and breastfeeding have taken place.

Third Stage Labor

* Please delay clamping and cutting the cord until after it has stopped pulsing.

* We would prefer to be asked if we would like to cut the cord, and would possibly like for our daughter to be allowed to cut it.

* Kellie’s placenta will be born spontaneously, without the use of traction or Pitocin.

Cesarean Delivery

* We prefer to avoid a cesarean delivery if at all possible.  However, should one become necessary, we would like our wishes to be respected in regards to the surgery.

* We would prefer for Papa to be present at all times.

* We need to have a general anesthetic because of Kellie’s intense fear of needles and surgery.  We are aware of the risks and are willing to take them.  We would still prefer that Papa be present if general anesthesia is utilized.

* Kellie would like to see, hold and nurse our baby as soon as possible after delivery.

* We would like for Papa to stay with the baby at all times after birth until Kellie can join him and the baby.

* Please do not administer any medications for surgery or recovery that would not be safe for breastfeeding immediately after surgery/recovery.

Newborn Procedures

* We would prefer that one or both parents be present with the baby at all times.

* We would prefer to avoid vitamin K.  If there is birth trauma, we are open to discussing its use.

* We do not give consent for eye drops/ointment, vaccinations, or circumcision.  We are prepared to sign waivers for these things.
* We do not consent to suctioning.  Please discuss with us if you feel that there is a reason for suctioning.

* We prefer to bathe our baby ourselves, using our own products, when we are ready.  Please do not bathe the baby before we are ready.

* We prefer to use cloth diapers, and we are happy to provide our own and launder them ourselves.

Feeding

* This baby will be breastfed.  Please do not offer the baby pacifiers, sugar water, formula or other artificial nipples. 

* Should it become necessary to intervene in the natural order of breastfeeding, please discuss it with us and get our informed opinions and consent before deviating from this plan.

* Kellie is happy to pump breastmilk for this baby if needed.  Please just let us know in ample time to bring our pump along to the hospital.

NICU

While we are anticipating the arrival of a healthy baby, we understand that complications do occur.  In the event that our baby requires a stay in the NICU, these are our preferences.

* We want to have as much contact as possible with our baby, and be allowed to touch, hold, and nurture him as much as possible.

* We want to be informed about his care BEFORE procedures or medications are administered.

* We want Kellie to room in with the baby at the hospital, if at all possible, and to be present for all baby care.

* We would like our NICU stay to be as short as possible, and are willing to have more out of hospital doctor visits to accommodate this if necessary.

* We would like our baby to be exclusively breastfed, or given pumped breastmilk, during his entire NICU stay.  We do not want to supplement him with formula.

I hope that my birth plan is of use to other families, or that you at least enjoy reading it!  Feel free to use any of it for your personal use.

Births

We found out this week that we are expecting baby #3 in late May! We couldn't be more excited. In honor of the new baby, whom the Bean has temporarily named Baby Lorraine, I would love to share the stories of the Bean and the Bug's births.

I had a cesarean section with the Bean. She was born at 31 weeks gestation, after several days of trying to stop my labor, drugs, bed rest, IV antibiotics because I was leaking amniotic fluid and meconium for days, and lots and lots of prayer. She was breech, sitting tailor fashion, and had no fluid to turn in. We could have delivered her breech, but it would have raised the odds of hemorrhage in her brain. We could have attempted a manual version, but it would have raised her risk of hemorrhage in her brain. And because she was so early, her risk of brain hemorrhage was already higher than normal. So, my OB and I decided that a cesarean was the best course of action. She was born, whole and sound, at a whopping 3 pounds, 11.5 ounces. She never needed resuscitation, needed minimal help on the outside, and has moved on with life beautifully ever since. I was discharged 3 days after birth. She was discharged 19 days after birth. The 16 days between were a roller coaster for me. I was recovering from a major abdominal surgery, trudging back and forth, carrying my breast pump, my food for the day, and my knitting to sit in the NICU with my tiny little baby, whom I could do nearly nothing for. At the same time, my first baby had been born, and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life! Just looking at her and touching her brought me the most ecstasy I had ever felt.

When the Bug was growing in my body, nearly 2 years later, I was conflicted. I loved the OB who had delivered the Bean, and I was happy with him in her birth. I firmly believe that things went so well because of his skills. However, faced with a normal baby, growing normally and giving me no problems, it felt that we were bickering over small things that should have been inconsequential. I refused the genetic testing. He didn't like that. I didn't want to be checked at my 36 week visit. He was adamant that I would be. I didn't want my membranes to be ruptured artificially, or "swept" to begin labor. I knew that he would do it if he wanted to, and was given the chance. I couldn't win by might or right, so instead, I fled. I called up a homebirth midwife whom many of my friends had used, and talked to her. My pregnancy had been considered high risk for premature birth in the beginning, but I was safely in the zone of "term" to deliver at home. My amazing midwife came out and met with me and agreed to take over my care. My birth plan took on a sudden change.

Suddenly, I was in charge of my body. I was no longer broken. I was a strong, capable woman who was going to do something amazing - give birth to my son. And I was going to do it with no tampering. There were no checks. There were no tests. There was no poking and prodding. There was just the contentment of knowing that my baby was going to be born, strong and healthy, at full term. His birth story follows.

******************************************************************************************************

I labored off and on for about 3 weeks. Patience has never been my strength and I had run out by Thursday the 14th. I was in complete mommy meltdown by that afternoon. I was beyond exhausted, tired of being pregnant and had given up hope that I would ever actually give birth. To top it off, my strong, progressive contractions had turned into what felt like Braxton-Hicks. There would be a strong sensation of baby’s head in my cervix, pressing down, and then a sensation of his body stretching out. The sides of my stomach didn’t feel hard at all, though. I was discouraged, short tempered, and in tears over this turn of events. At just about 39 weeks, I had begun waking up each morning more and more disappointed that I wasn’t giving birth that day. Even though I knew that I could go into labor at any time during the day, I seemed to just intuitively know that if I didn’t wake up laboring, I wasn’t delivering that day.

I woke up on the 14th feeling beyond depressed. I drug myself out of bed and got dressed because Beanie needed me. I put on my skirt (the only one that still fit), and accidentally put on my favorite white shirt from my first pregnancy. I had been envisioning this as the outfit I would labor in for months and this was the first time I had put it on. I didn’t realize the mistake until I got downstairs, and at that point, I wasn’t going back up to change. It depressed me even more that I was wearing my laboring outfit and wasn’t laboring. Little did I know, I was indeed laboring and would continue to do so throughout the day and that night!

I somehow made it through the whole day. We packed up the family and went see the chiropractor that evening, and ran a few different errands. I was so tired by then that even being nice was a stretch. The chiropractor told me that the baby was really low in there and that he was really pressing down. My only response was to tell her that I already knew that much. What else could I say? I was simply convinced that he was never coming out!

We got home from our little excursion and I went up stairs and went to bed without saying a word. I never did get fully comfortable and really fall asleep at that point. Papa brought Beanie up just a little before nine, got her ready for bed and put her in with me. She nursed and fell asleep and I lay in bed trying to doze. Those weird Braxton Hicks just kept coming though. It was just about 9:30 that I realized they were happening about every 15 minutes. I was puzzled, but finally fell asleep. As I was sleeping, I kept being pulled back to awake by these odd sensations! Finally, at about 1:30 they got intense enough that waking up to one was too much. I was afraid that I was going to wake up moaning and wake the Bean. I woke Papa instead and we came downstairs. We lay on the couches and tried timing them for about half an hour before I decided I was calling the doula. I made the call at about 2:00 and Papa went to make himself some coffee. The doula, Nadah, arrived at about 2:30. The contractions were every 5 to 7 minutes at that point, but I still wasn’t convinced they were the real thing.

I had spent nine months envisioning my labor in mid-August taking place on a day in the nineties – hot like I like it! Instead, the house was 76 degrees. I was laying on the couch in a thin, Indian gauze nightgown. I asked Nadah if I was actually going to have the baby this time and she said it sure looked like it. I finally sent Papa upstairs for something warmer to wear. He brought down the nightgown I had intended to wear in labor, without having any idea that was the one I had picked. The foreshadowing was high, but I still hadn’t completely caught on. I really didn’t think that we were going to have a baby any time soon!

I don’t remember ever feeling the contractions as pain. They came on and as long as I remembered to stay calm and breathe, just as I had practiced with my hypnobabies, then I would do fine and they were over quickly. When I would tense against them, accidentally, they were more intense and lasted longer, so I had to be careful! They definitely became a little more intense and a little more intense as the evening wore on. I was trying to get comfortable on the couch, but if I lay down, I was in the wrong position and if I leaned any direction, it made the contractions start up again. I finally decided that I needed to lay down and if that meant laying in my bed and waking Beanie, that was what would have to happen. I went up and lay down and dozed for a little while. I’m not really certain how long I dozed, but I woke up just after 5:00. Somehow, the Bean had slept through my noise and had no idea anything was afoot.

When I woke up, I asked Papa to come down and ask Nadah something. I don’t remember what it was. At any rate, I lay in bed, by myself, with the contractions coming every 2 to 3 minutes for somewhere around 15 or 20 minutes. No one ever came back up. I think that was when Nadah told Papa to fill the birthing pool and he went straight to it without coming back to check on me! I finally got myself up, gathered up my courage, and went back down the stairs to have company and support again.

We had started calling Beanie's support person at about 4:30. Her phone was in the living room that night, though, and she didn’t hear it ringing. We called the midwife at about 5:30 and told her my contractions were 2 to 3 minutes apart. I must have been handling them pretty well because no one thought we were very close yet. We asked the midwife what she thought we should do. She had been at a birth until 2:00 that morning and had just gotten home to bed. Since it looked like I wasn’t doing anything quickly, she decided to send out the midwife apprentice to listen to the baby’s heart and to check me. The apprentice, Sarah, was to check me and call the midwife, Suzanne, and let her know if she was needed. Sarah was here in no time, and checked me over. She assured me that the baby’s heart rate was fine and that he was moving down! She would not, however, tell me what I was dilated to. I took this to mean that I was not dilating, just effacing, and that the baby wasn’t ready yet. I geared myself up for another 12 hours of labor, and kept riding out the contractions. Sarah checked me a few more times and made some calls to Suzanne. When Suzanne wasn’t on her way yet, I was certain that I still had a long road in front of me.

I had a TENS unit on my back for a while, to help with the intensity of the contractions, and Nadah and Sarah rubbed my lower back for a while as well. Papa generally did what Papa does and took care of things that needed to be done around the house. I am fairly certain that he went for filtered water and ice. He may have even taken the dog for a walk. When I asked for juice, he made me apple juice and when I finally came out with that I had wanted orange juice, he went back and made me orange juice as well. Since I kept thinking that I was going to labor for the rest of the day and into the night, I knew I needed to keep my strength up. I was afraid of having an IV so I was intent on staying hydrated. I drank quite a bit of juice since it seemed to be the only thing I thought I could keep down. I threw up with contractions several times, and was quite shakey for a while. I had read about women doing those things during transition, but I thought that I must simply be going to do them for the entirety of my labor.

When things finally got intense enough that I felt like I needed a break, somewhere around sunrise, I asked if I could get into the tub yet. Nadah and Sarah said I could and in we went. I stood next to it and was certain there was no way I could raise my leg high enough to get over the side. After another strong contraction, I decided it was the only way I was going to catch a little break and in I went! The water was wonderful – warm and relaxing. My contractions slowed down a bit in the pool and I was only having them every 5 to 6 minutes. However, they were quite intense and I had the strangest sensations as soon as I got in the tub! Along with the contraction would be a lot of pressure – both downwards and up into my stomach. I thought I must just need to throw up again, but never did through all of those contractions.

Finally, Suzanne and Beanie's support were on their way, and expected any time. Bean had been awake for nearly an hour and Papa had been caring for her. I wasn’t really making too much noise and she was only frightened by waking up to so many unexpected people in the house. Nadah and Sarah decided that I needed to get out of the tub and get my contractions going more steadily again. I didn’t want to and couldn’t think of anywhere comfortable to labor, but finally decided that if I sat on the toilet in the little half bath, I could rest my head and arms on the sink right across from it.

It was sitting there through the next contraction that I realized that pressure filled sensation was the urge to push! Without the water, I couldn’t stop pushing against it, but I was very concerned about pushing too early because I thought I wasn’t dilating at all! Another great contraction came and Nadah was standing at the door to the bath telling me not to push. As it ended I told her I was trying not to! I was still bearing down a little and I peed just a little. She asked me if I had peed and I affirmed that I had. Suddenly, there was this “pop” and more water hitting the bowl of the toilet. I looked up, a little dazed, and said, “But I don’t think that was pee.” Nadah responded with, “Neither do I!” Just at that moment, Sarah called from the living room that Suzanne was there, and Suzanne was walking through the front door. Another contraction came all in the same moment and I was pushing again. Nadah called back to Sarah and Suzanne that my water had just broken and that I was pushing. To my amazement, Suzanne’s voice came ringing through the house saying, “Ok, let her!” I couldn’t talk through the push, but I was thinking to myself that she was crazy! That they hadn’t told her I wasn’t dilating! That I had another 12 hours of labor to get through and that I couldn’t push for all of that against a closed cervix! Suzanne asked where I was as she came walking through the house and was told I was in the bathroom. She appeared in the doorway and very calmly said, “Ok, well let’s not have a baby on the pot. Let’s get back in the tub.” I was happy to comply.

Back in the tub the contractions slowed down again, but were just as intense. I couldn’t stop pushing and was still panicked. Suzanne was calm as could be, and asked to check me. I must have said that it wasn’t time to push yet but I couldn’t help it because she looked me right in the eye and said, “Kellie, reach down here and feel the baby’s head.”

“His head?” I asked, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

“Yes,” she said, “his head. It’s right here.”

Amazed and finally realizing what she meant, I reached down and felt his wrinkly little scalp just beginning to crown. As the realization hit me that we were actually having a baby – it was actually happening – I was renewed. I was no longer tired. I didn’t have any fear. This was what I had worked so hard to achieve! And it was time! And the time was 8:30.

I set about pushing with the next contraction, making a deep, low grunting/groaning sound in my throat. Right about that time, Bean's support person walked in looking at me incredulously. I looked up and told her, “You almost missed it!” She took Beanie in the living room to read books and Papa sat down in a chair at one end of the birthing tub. I was working hard, pushing as hard as I could, and groaning away like a cow on a hot summer day. I could feel his little head bearing down on me, but it felt like it was coming straight down on my perineum and my bottom. I remember thinking that I was pretty certain he couldn’t get out that way. After a few hard pushes, Suzanne told me to reach down on the next contraction and push him out into my hand. Now, I’ve never been one of those touchy feely people who wanted to catch my own baby or cut the cord, or anything like that, so this seemed like a strange request. Suzanne seemed to sense my hesitation and told me again to do it. I did and became more certain that he was aimed for my bottom and not towards the front. I could feel my skin bulging in the domed shape of his wee head. On the next push, I somehow shifted something, and felt his direction change. I was using muscles I had never used before and I didn’t know how to make them work – but my body did! Once I could feel which way he was going with my hand, I could instinctively figure out how to change the muscles I was using to head him in the right direction!

When I got that figured out, we started making some real progress. His head would come a bit further out each time. I pushed as hard as I could on one contraction, and it slid out so far! When the contraction was over, it slid back in though. I cried out, “Oh don’t go back in!” Suzanne, Nadah and Sarah all seemed to chuckle and Suzanne said, “Yes, that’s what it does. It comes out a lot and it goes back in a little. It’s ok!” A few more pushes and they changed my position again. I lay my head on the side of the tub and was resting. Suzanne wanted me to get up and walk around to get the contractions coming faster again. I told her no, I was just going to take a little break. She started to protest and I said, “I’m not giving up and I’m not wearing myself out. I’m just catching my breath and in just a minute, I’m going to have this baby.” She just said, “Ok” and left it at that.

Now, this whole time, Beanie had been coming in very quietly, keeping an eye on everyone, slipping past the end of the birthing pool and grabbing a stack of books to take back to the living room. A minute later she would appear for more. I remember looking at her between contractions and telling her it was ok. She looked very concerned, but not afraid. I never once heard her cry.

When the next contractions came, I went back to work solidly. It was only another few contractions before his head popped out all at once! He had the cord around his neck 2 or 3 times. Suzanne reached down quickly and pulled the cord off of him while he was still in the water. I don’t even know if there was another contraction and his body was coming. I don’t think he had turned all of the way and I remember feeling a sting as his shoulders came through and another when his feet came. I am fairly certain that is when I tore. After his shoulders came, but before his feet, Suzanne told me to reach down and grab him. I was leaned back in a funny squat, though, and I didn’t think I could keep my balance and reach down over myself to get him. I told Papa to do it. He started to say no and I just barked at him, “Just do it!” I think that was the only time I really said anything that could be considered unkind during the whole process. He later told me that he thought he would fall into the tub if he tried to reach in far enough to grab the baby, but did it anyway when I barked at him!

The Bug’s little face and head were blue, but his body was pink. I was never worried. The cord was still attached and I knew he would be fine. In just a moment, his face was pink and healthy and he had started to whimper. The oxygen was pulled out and blown across his face for a minute, but I think he would have been fine either way. I sat in the tub holding him and everyone just grinned and watched. Beanie appeared within a minute. The shades had been drawn and the lights weren’t on, so it was fairly dark in the room. I was the only one who remembered to look at the clock and see that the time was 9:10 AM. Beanie looked around in confusion and I was talking to her softly. I told her that the baby had "come out to play with us" and asked if she could see him. She looked all around the room and I said, “He’s right here, Baby. Mama’s holding him. Look.” She looked down at me with this squirmy little newborn baby crying on my chest, and didn’t look convinced. In all of the discussion about the new baby coming to live with us, she had been most excited that he would be sitting in the back seat with her. So, I said, “This is the baby. Is he going to sit in his go seat in the back seat with you?” Our attendants looked a little confused, but Beanie just grinned! She was so excited!

We tried to nurse for a minute in the tub. The cord was clamped and cut, and out we came! We walked upstairs, all of us, and tucked me into my bed which had been all prepared. We were looked over carefully and found to be in great condition. The Bug was weighed and measured and came in at 6 pounds 15 ounces and 19 inches. His apgars were 8, 9 and 9. He was indeed a healthy baby boy, and even looked a little post date with all of his wrinkly, peeling skin. I had done quite well too, and only had 2 very small tears; 1 at the top which wanted 2 stitches and 1 at the bottom which wanted 3 stitches. I, however, have never done well at all with needles and panicked at the thought of being stitched up! I refused the stitches and have healed up pretty nicely, albeit in a longer amount of time.

The birth was amazing and beautiful. I couldn’t have asked for better. I don’t remember anything that I felt as being really painful or unbearable – only intense. I remember Nadah telling me at one point to push against the burn and thinking, “What burn?” and also telling her after one amazing push, “This is incredible!” I remember looking up in the middle of pushing to see Papa, not afraid or annoyed like he was with Beanie’s birth, but beaming and looking awed. By that afternoon, I was saying, “Next time, we’ll do (such and such)!”

I don’t know if we will have more children or not, but if we do, they will definitely be born at home, and all of my care will be with a midwife. I no longer consider myself high risk. This pregnancy and birth was such a rebirth for me, as well. I know now that I can do it. I can grow a healthy, full term baby and I can give birth naturally. I won’t ever be afraid again. The mystery of birth is gone from me now, only strength and calm are there now when I think of it.